What Women Think About Getting Picked Up At The Gym

Is It OK To Flirt With Her At The Gym? Real Women Weigh In

Hypocrisy alert!

I have chatted up some attractive women at the gym. I’ve never tried to pick anyone up, though, as my relationship with my wife (24 years now) predates my relationship with working out (20 years).

Also, I don’t wear gloves and do wear my wedding ring. It’s obvious from the outset I’m already spoken for.

I know — I’m just making excuses to make my past transgressions seem less creepy. Compared to some of what I’ve seen, however, I think the occasional chatting I’ve done with female gym patrons can be forgiven. Some guys barely stop short of buying them a drink and grinding up next to them like they’re on the dance floor. It’s all pretty pathetic.

And most women don’t like it.

Headphones = Hell, no

I always had a sneaking suspicion that headphones are women’s way of saying “Please don’t talk to me” while working out. Even the smallest iPod can get in the way when lifting weights, and yet there is a high proportion of women who put up with those headphone cables getting caught on things while listening to music at the gym, because it gives them a built-in excuse to ignore you.

When researching an article about music and it’s effect on athletic performance, I asked women on my Facebook page if they every used headphones to deter would-be suitors, and received numerous confirmations that this was so.

"Men are less likely to come up and talk to me when I'm listening to music," said Jessica Morse, a 32-year-old government worker in Ottawa.

Morse, who is also a fitness competitor in the "bikini class," explained her motivation. "We have some creepers at my gym, and it's awkward. I use music as a deterrent."

In other words, if she’s got the music playing, it might be less about love of a rockin’ playlist and more about creating an invisible shield that says, “Don’t talk to me.”

She’s not in the mood

"When I'm at the gym, I'm focused on two things,” Beth Glazener told me. “Working out and thinking over anything I've been working on.” In other words, she’s not thinking about some guy picking her up.

“My hair is plastered to my head thanks to a combination of bobby pins (to keep the hair out of my eyes) and sweat; and there's nary a smidgen of makeup anywhere on my face,” Beth said. “I don't exactly feel attractive at this point. Even if a guy thinks I'm attractive or cute, I don't. And that goes a long way toward affecting my confidence, so any advance is suspect.”

A lot of women just want to go to the gym and, you know, work out. There are ones who make sure their makeup and hair is perfect, and perhaps they are interested in your cheesy come-on, but in most cases, they are there to get their sweat on, and that doesn’t involve dodging pathetic pickups.

You’re ruining her concentration (and wasting her time)

Lifting weights, counting reps, maintaining good form — all these things require concentration. Coming up and chatting with her, or even trying to catch her eye, interferes with this. Chances are, she’s there to work out, not get worked over by your leering.

Many people time their breaks between sets, and if you’re trying to start up a conversation, you could be blowing her timing. You could also force her to cut her workout short.

“My biggest issue is people pestering me when I’m busy,” Dani Shugart told me. “And even when I tell people I’m married, they continue to flirt, and it crosses the line.” She doesn’t mind being social with friends between sets, but hates it when random guys start chatting with her in the middle of an exercise, blowing her concentration.

Lack of time is the No. 1 reason people give for not exercising, and in the modern world, we need to squeeze in workouts where we can. If she has to spend time fending off your advances, that’s less time she has for exercise. Not cool.

You might be creeping her out

Time for another hypocrisy alert. I’ve noticed attractive women at the gym, but at least tried to be casual about it: a quick glance using the mirror and back to work.

Others are not so subtle.

“I was on the leg press wearing short running shorts, and one guy kept very obviously looking at my legs, and it really creeped me out,” Elizabeth Martin told me.

Kristi Holbert had a creepier creep. He approached her at the gym, criticized her form and told her they should be workout partners. Then he grabbed her workout log and wrote his name and phone number in it.

And when she didn’t call, he got angry. Even after telling him to back off, he kept hassling her. Some Googling of his name uncovered that he was a registered sex offender. Kristi approached the gym’s management and, even though it turned out there had been numerous complaints about him, they refused to speak with him out of fear of a lawsuit.

Oh, for Christ’s sake.

But that’s OK. Kristi got some friends to straighten the guy out. He got the message.

Does this whole article mean you can never speak to a woman at the gym? No, but be cool. Realize the signs of someone who is there just to work out and let her be. The gym is not your personal dating website, and it’s not cool to constantly make people feel uncomfortable.

That said, Elizabeth Martin reports, “There have been times I’ve been approached that it was flattering.” Although she is engaged, and makes that clear very quickly, if a guy is being polite and not staring, she’s OK with being approached. Especially if it’s someone she’s seen several times at the gym in the past.

So you don’t have to pretend women don’t exist at the gym, but don’t pretend like they’re there for your amusement either.

Here is what women on guyQ, AskMen's Q&A platform, had to say in a thread on the topic (their answers echo the sentiments mentioned above): 

I found the approaches at the gym, despite a wedding band and earbuds and a 50-yard stare, were just making a trip to the gym irritating. So I mostly stick to running and yoga.

See Answer

 Men will often speak to me, but I'm positive they aren't hitting on me. Usually, they ask about the book I'm reading (while on the aerobic equipment).

I don't think anyone needs to feel they're being hit on merely because someone talks to them But what I hate is guys standing in the doorway of the classrooms to watch the class. So rude!

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